As rain pours down heavily outside, nowhere to go … like a bird trap in a cage, it is time to dissolve my silence once again. I have been trying to call her for days now… Unfortunately, she had not been picking up any of my calls. It is a very difficult phase for me and my performance at work is being affected by this emotional downturn. It is her voice that I hear before starting my daily work and it is her voice that allows me to close my eyes at night, knowing that she is safe. Today, I don’t think I will ever hear the voice that gave me the strength to move on after being in the dark for a year and a half.
I had made a mistake and I know many of you out there are making the same mistake. The mistake that I had made was not falling in love but it was being overly dependent to the person that I was in love with. Love is a beautiful feeling that often leads one to the path of dependency. In the start, this dependency is not noticed as love tends to blind its worshipers. However, if the relationship turns sour later, the delusion that love created fades and the pain of being dependent is felt. This feeling is really painful as some had even taken their life away after being unable to cope with it.
You probably be thinking that I am a love failure and that is the reason for the above statement. Well, I am not against love but the truth is painful and only the wise will notice it and not allow it to occur to them. Look at yourself; look at the activities you used to carry out before falling in love. I am sure you lived life with your own sets of principles and never needed much help from the people around you to carry out your daily chores or your liked activities. Now compare yourself after falling in love… exactly, see how many things had changed. To sleep, we would need to wait for her or his call. Before dining, we make sure that she or he had eaten or else we won’t eat. If he or she doesn’t want to watch a movie, we will not watch the movie though we had watched every single episode of that movie before falling in love. Some will call this madness, togetherness but I feel that love should never walk on two legs when it can walk on four to maintain its stability. Think about it … hmmm. Mother Theresa said that love starts at home; you got to love yourself before even trying to love someone else; In that way you will never lose yourself in spreading love.
When I started writing this post two weeks ago, I paused after a few lines and only continued writing it today. This is because I wanted to fully feel the pain of being dependent. Trust me; I am not fully cured from it yet. However, I am neither against falling in love. My advice to you reading this is… fall in love but don’t lose your true self in it. Make sure you continue doing everything that benefited you before the relationship; especially prioritizing your family, friends and the people that loved and cared for you from day one. Always remember that everything bounded by time is temporary, hence don’t overly hope or rely for an everlasting relationship.
We had come alone and we will leave alone …. Don't be dependent
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3 comments:
I can understand how u feel, but i don't think its wrong to be dependent in a relationship.
Let me share something with you..
I had been in a relationship before and it crushed me down when i had to go through break up. As you said " when the relationship turns sour, the delusion that love created fades and the pain of being dependent is felt. Tis feeling was really painful as some had even taken their life away after being unable to cope with it."
I agree that it was very painful and the pain was there because of the dependency.
At time, just like you i told myself that i would not be dependent on anyone anymore.
Later, when i met my true soulmate (who is my current boyfriend), i had to change my perception. His LOVE made me understand the importance of dependence in a relationship.
" He told me that we need to be dependent in a relationship, because if we are not dependent on each other, than what's the need for a relationship. He made me realised that a man and a woman complete themselves through each other, and the whole of the union becomes stronger and more wonderful than the sum of the two parts"
By god's grace, now my life is very complete and happy with my beloved by my side because we both depend on each others love and care.
Therefore, its ok to be dependent in a relationship but being over dependent causes the problem.
GOOD DAY!
Hey there.
Good post. I can almost relate to your pain. Indeed, we tend to lose ourselves in the whirlwind of romance ...the initial period of falling in love. However, I do wonder... You seem like a perfectly nice gentleman who is able to carry himself well and adequately emotional to understand the sensitivity of a woman. Picturing you as a dependent person is a hard thing to do. You seem more of the type that would be someone's rock to cry on. Perhaps you're blaming yourself too much. I might not be the best person to say this but all I want you to do is cut yourself some slack. Judging from all your previous posts, you've seemed to blame yourself a lot. Probably you should stop doing that. It might be an invitation for someone to take you for granted. This is hardly an accusation...it is merely a heads-up on something you may have missed. I think you deserve to be more happier in your love life.
By the way, on my previous comments, two posts ago, I addressed you as "dear,honey" and those sorts. I have to apologise. Its not because I know you that I address you in that respect. Its simply the manner I communicate. I have removed such endearments as I sense it makes you uncomfortable. In the hopes that this comment would be of some help, I wish you the best and keep on writing! Tc.
Hi there,
I read through most your resent posts...
All related to love, love, feelings and emotions..
Can really see that you’re really earning for love...dear friend, in a relationship especially in LOVE it cant come through compulsion, persuasion, pressure...
I can understand your feelings towards her...its just that i would not like to see anyone to get hurt from love...i know the pain of LOVE and also the joy from LOVE. Based on your blog i can clearly see that she has been very cold towards your feelings and expression of love...she has made it very clear to you that she is not interested in LOVE relationship...which she finds really uncomfortable...My advice and humble request is pls try to gather yourself back.. Try to put a full stop to your one side love before you get hurt even more...
I do agree with one of the comment here....on dependency in a relationship...it is necessary to certain extend...
Relationship is about understanding, giving and taking, respect and also privacy to certain level..One have to realise that before the relationship both had different life, practices and routines and circle of friends...its wise on how the two complete different circle to be merged as one...without much of sacrifice but willingness without disheartened feelings/comparison/weighted to one side.
One thing that i don’t quite agree is your last line....friend..we didn’t come alone...neither we will be going back alone...instead...
‘ we came Naked and return back naked’
Try thinking about it and tell me your thinking...before i explain what it means...churn on the point ‘naked’ you’ll be surprised on the hidden meaning it beholds..don’t think literally what it means k!!!!
Strength lies within....everything that you feel and think the energy and the boost that you get...alll lies within you on how you see thing...
Change the way you perceive on things/ matter and people...and you’ll notice the change around you...the world changes according to your perception...
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