I am not sure how to start this post ... maybe this feeling just cant be expressed by ordinary words. Being alone these few days made me feel like an old man begging for love. It is certain that during the entire journey of life, one might not often feel such loneliness until nearing the end of the road. This is because, whenever able too throughout life, it is in our nature to get attached to the environment. Unfortunately, all these attachments are temporary and will slowly dissolves in time. Even family, blood relations and other love ones will forget our existence in time as we slowly become unimportant to them. From being someone special to being just memories at the end is the way today's relationships changes in time.
The truth is we are all only wanted or needed if we are able to give something back in return. I understand if this barter trade truth is really painful to accept. However, if you disagree, just visit an old folk’s home and observe the faces of the old who were loving parents to their children. Today, they are abandoned in loneliness with other similar fated parents feeling unwanted. All this can only happen because people are selfish and fickle. They only think of themselves and easily forget the sacrifices their love ones have done for them in the past. When questioned, they will ungratefully reply that the love was never asked upon and it isn't their fault for making the other person fall in love or feel love towards them.
Well, some don't have to grow old to feel this torturous feeling of being unwanted. They only have to love a girl who can never love them in return and only wants to be friends forever. It is not wrong for a girl to want only friendship from a guy but it is wrong for her to expect the guy not to fall in love with her and abandoned him after knowing his love for her. Love is uncontrollable at times and it is a feeling that comes because the soul recognizes its soul mate. This is the reason love happens randomly between two similar aura people. Hence it is not his fault either to love you for the person he sees you to be. I always had thought that women only wanted sincere and true love from their partners. However, today I know that true and sincere love is never enough to win the heart of these days women.... sigh ....
Before I end this post, I really want to share this with all of you. Love has always been related to happiness in some way. If you are seeking happiness from someone in the form of love, stop doing that as then your happiness will always depend on your partner. Love yourself first and only love another if you have happiness to share with that person. In that way, there will be no expectations as you will always be the giver of happiness. Besides that, all relationship in this world was asked upon except the relationship we have with our parents. This is the only relationship that was presented to us. It is our responsibility to ensure that this relationship last forever. Even the busiest person should never have the heart to abandon their parents to the homes. The pain of being alone and unwanted cuts like a knife, don't let them feel this pain in their old age. If it is not for them you and I will never be alive to achieve and enjoy this life of ours now. A mother's tear can form an ocean, don't let her tear because of you selfishness. Remember this always, charity starts at home take care of your parents first before taking care of anybody else in this world. This is the realization loneliness have given me so far.
I think I have written a lot now ... but I hope someone reading this post can give me the answer to the question below. Why is it that when something goes wrong in a love relationship, the person that we were in love with, treats us like a complete stranger and insist that they have only left us for our own good??? Whoever answers this question well ... I will give you a special acknowledgment in my next post. Thanks ...
The truth is we are all only wanted or needed if we are able to give something back in return. I understand if this barter trade truth is really painful to accept. However, if you disagree, just visit an old folk’s home and observe the faces of the old who were loving parents to their children. Today, they are abandoned in loneliness with other similar fated parents feeling unwanted. All this can only happen because people are selfish and fickle. They only think of themselves and easily forget the sacrifices their love ones have done for them in the past. When questioned, they will ungratefully reply that the love was never asked upon and it isn't their fault for making the other person fall in love or feel love towards them.
Well, some don't have to grow old to feel this torturous feeling of being unwanted. They only have to love a girl who can never love them in return and only wants to be friends forever. It is not wrong for a girl to want only friendship from a guy but it is wrong for her to expect the guy not to fall in love with her and abandoned him after knowing his love for her. Love is uncontrollable at times and it is a feeling that comes because the soul recognizes its soul mate. This is the reason love happens randomly between two similar aura people. Hence it is not his fault either to love you for the person he sees you to be. I always had thought that women only wanted sincere and true love from their partners. However, today I know that true and sincere love is never enough to win the heart of these days women.... sigh ....
Before I end this post, I really want to share this with all of you. Love has always been related to happiness in some way. If you are seeking happiness from someone in the form of love, stop doing that as then your happiness will always depend on your partner. Love yourself first and only love another if you have happiness to share with that person. In that way, there will be no expectations as you will always be the giver of happiness. Besides that, all relationship in this world was asked upon except the relationship we have with our parents. This is the only relationship that was presented to us. It is our responsibility to ensure that this relationship last forever. Even the busiest person should never have the heart to abandon their parents to the homes. The pain of being alone and unwanted cuts like a knife, don't let them feel this pain in their old age. If it is not for them you and I will never be alive to achieve and enjoy this life of ours now. A mother's tear can form an ocean, don't let her tear because of you selfishness. Remember this always, charity starts at home take care of your parents first before taking care of anybody else in this world. This is the realization loneliness have given me so far.
I think I have written a lot now ... but I hope someone reading this post can give me the answer to the question below. Why is it that when something goes wrong in a love relationship, the person that we were in love with, treats us like a complete stranger and insist that they have only left us for our own good??? Whoever answers this question well ... I will give you a special acknowledgment in my next post. Thanks ...
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Q : Why is it that when something goes wrong in a love relationship, the person that we were in love with, treats us like a complete stranger and insist that they have only left us for our own good???
A : It is due to their conscious avoidance of being left with "guilt". Rather than being portrayed as someone who has played your feelings out, they rather choose to play the "victim shoes" of wanting to be a sacrificer for the sake of the happiness of whoever they choose to dump along the way. It is a state known as Psychological Denial. One belives that it is most hurting to be dumped, but reality is the one who dumps usually lives with a bigger sense of guilt that they choose to make it appear as though the break up would bring good to their previously functional "other half". If they don't succeed in making it seem that they left you for your good, they would play the "shame and blame" game with you to agin make themselves all innocent. Its a manipulative world out there, all i would say when i see such drama is "welcome to earth". This is earth, not heaven, people do cheat one another, people do murder one another, people do snatch each others happiness. These people don't just belong to ONE particular kind of gender, never ever quote merely one gender.. be universal as the truth is BOTH men and women nowadays never honour, value or even turn to look at a truthful, genuine lover..
Hey anonymous, you are either a psychologist or someone who understands how the mind works well. I agree that both gender should be quoted and i think i know who you are :P ...very nice and thanks for the feedback
YES.. I am a Clinical Psychologist and YES AGAIN.. You do know me.. hehe.. adios
Hie Ahilan,
I don't know if what I am going to say will answer your question. But I can tell you what I know.
First and foremost, I guess this situation exist for both men and women. But, men blame women and women blame men. Meaning, everyone rather blame the other one than to take responsibility of the situation. What has happened can't be undone, but what is about to happen can be moulded. No use blaming both or either one. I believe both would have some sort of contribution to where the relationship has ended. Some would claim they did not do anything, but in some situations doing nothing could itself be the root of what took place.
What difference is it going to make if the "once upon time lover" acts as a stranger or acts as a friend after they have left us? Or whether they claim they left for our good, their good or just for the sake of driving us up the wall? The fact is that they have left and the person is no longer ours to claim.
No use crying over, sighing or analyzing a "burnt" relationship. When a body is burnt, only some of the bones stay remained, but the flesh and everything else turns into ashes. The ashes are then kept away in memorials or diluted into the sea water. The bones represent good memories and the ashes represent the bad memories. Keep the good memories and throw away the bad memories.
Good memories teach us what works in a relationship and bad memories teach us what doesn't work in a relationship. Take the lesson and leave the event. This is not soap drama or tamil drama for us to make all the scene in the world. This is real practical life. I have made my share of soap drama in the past, but when I turn and look back, I realised what mere stupidity that was.
Life is all about making mistakes, learning and moving on. People are so afraid of making mistakes. But how one is ever going to learn and grow if they don't make mistakes?
When we were small, we would have fallen many times from the bicycle and hurt ourselves, but we still get back on the bicycle and learn till we get it. Where does that never-give-up-no-matter-what spirit goes when we grow up? Ran out through the house back door? How come we be "less" when we grow "more"? Shouldn't we be "more" and we grow "more"?
Ponder on some the following:
(1) One signature we are married, another signature we are divorced.
(2) Newly married couples sit close but along the years they grow far apart. Should't it be the other way round infact?
People change all the time dear. People make different choices. Today they might say "I love you" and tommorrow they might say "I hate you". And everyone would have their own justification to argue on over the matter. But what's the use of investigating why the milk spilt after it has spilt? We can't put it back into the bowl, can we? We can only take the same bowl and fill it up with some new milk. What matters most is that there is milk in the bowl.
Some things are just better unknown.
Let's not be the prisoner of the our past, but rather the architect of our future.
Thank you for reading my comment. Forgive me for the length of it.
Take care. Have a nice day.
Hi Anonymous, I am not sure who you are as you choose to hide your beautiful self behind such inspiring words. Your lengthy explanation was like music to my ears. I am not sure who you are .. but thank you for such a wonderful and great feedback.. if your not shy .. intro yourself by telling us your name here ... thanks and guys n gals this is one comment to remember and ponder upon
Hie Ahilan,
My name is Rebecca Shamasundari. In short, people usually call me as Becky.
I must thank you for all the humble compliments. And I hope my comment did some help. ;-)
Hello Ahilan,
Its been a while since I've had time to read your blogs. The last I did was sometime last year and I must say that your writing has only gotten better and better overtime.. I'm particularly impressed with the blog on the two gentlemen in the train. Your realisation there may have just opened a dozen more eyes in the world to be not discriminative of some people just because they are different. Good job there dear!
On this piece however ...its certainly a wonderful bit but I sense that you have yet to let go of this girl. You are still quite attached to her. You must remember,past is past and nothing can be done. Although you are trying very positively to get over this by active sharing such as this blog, I must ask... are you blaming her? If you are, then, I'm sure you know its wrong. Although it hurts, you must learn to forgive and let go. You may never be able to have a healthy relationship again, with a better deserving girl at that, if you keep on holding on to this. Let go dear, and everything will fall into place.
Lol..reading through the other comments given by your avid fans, I must sound like another parrot..but do take it as a honest-to-goodness advise dear.. coz its coming from my heart. Good luck!
p/s: Just a word of caution.. I could've sworn I read a copy of your blog last year in another blog but it seems that the user is no longer there now. Do try to safeguard yer writing honey..its a pity for someone to steal something that you put your heart and soul into.
Take care!
I sincerely wonder who r u ? Coz not much people call me dear ... please reveal urself to us.... and my next post will be out soon ... thanks for the compliments ... hmmm
BEING WANTED OR UNWANTED IS ONLY TEMPORARY..NOTHING IS SURE OR PERMANENT IN THIS LIFE..
p/s: im telling this out of my own experience
Very true...The only thing PERMANENT is CHANGE...
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